DESPAIR

I find myself in a pool of tears,

In a subtle state of despair. 

I find myself in a desert,

With a fear of sand. 

I find myself in rain,

Drenched, longing warmth. 

I find myself in a storm,

With a chaos within myself. 

I find myself in silence,

With a screaming heart beating in me. 

I find myself in an utter darkness,

Craving a single ray of sunlight. 

I find myself fighting for someone,

Someone I can’t have. 

I find myself looking at the mirror,

Trying to find the kid within but the reflection i see feels distant. 

I find myself in time,

Moments slipping like sand, the harder i hold, the faster i lose. 

I find myself in wind,

Tossed from shore to shore with no anchor. 

I find myself in a void,

With a bigger void within me. 

I find myself shattered yet again,

Too broken to be mended again. 

I find myself in light,

Waiting for it to fade to dwell in shadows tonight. 

I find myself in scream,

But no one seems to hear me grieve. 

I find myself drowning,

With no hands reaching. 

I find myself fighting, shielding him,

Yet he joins them, striking me. 

I am lost in this war, bruised by your blows,

Still i crave those hands that pushed me away, needing them to caress me. 

I speak your defence with a trembling heart,

While the thought of your words tear me apart. 

I fight and fight to keep you mine,

Yet you plan to cut me off your life. 

I find myself calling out your name,

I see you turn your back, shattering me with your silent stares. 

I find myself in a forest,

Lost in the winds of doubt. 

I find myself in a maze,

Lost between paths of belief. 

I find myself in a fog,

Hoping for it to shield me from my worries. 

I find myself on the edge,

Hoping for someone to push me.

I find myself in fire,

Hoping it’s warmth to consume me. 

I find myself at the door of death,

Hoping for someone to set me free. 

I find myself in the cold,

Desiring the numbness to take over.

I wish that

I can’t be found anymore.